Sometimes your struggles aren’t about you

 

I came across this story a few years back. It’s one of those that makes its rounds on the internet and social media, but every time it resurfaces, I’ve always needed to hear it again. I’d like to share it with you. The author is unknown, but the title is “The trouble tree,” and it goes something like this:

The carpenter I hired to help restore my old farmhouse had a pretty rough first day on the job. A flat tire made him lose an hour of work in the morning. In the afternoon, his electric saw quit. At the end of the day, his ancient pickup truck refused to start. As I drove him home, he sat next to me in stony silence.

When we arrived at his house, the carpenter invited me in to meet the family. As we walked toward the front door, he paused briefly in front of a small tree and touched the tips of its branches with both hands. He then opened the door and underwent an amazing transformation. His face was wreathed with smiles, and his voice was filled with laughter. He hugged his two small children and gave his wife a kiss.

When my visit was over, the carpenter walked me to my car. When we passed the tree, my curiosity got the better of me. So I asked him about what he had done earlier.

‘Oh,’ the carpenter replied, ‘that’s just my Trouble Tree. I know I can’t help having troubles on the job,’ he continued, ‘but one thing’s for sure – those troubles don’t belong in my house. That’s why every night when I come home, I just leave them outside by hanging them on the Trouble Tree.’

‘In the morning when I head off to work, I just pick my troubles up again.’ Smiling, the carpenter added, ‘The funny thing is, the troubles I pick up in the morning are not nearly as many as I remember hanging on the tree the night before.’

 

As a dad, and a business owner, this story always hits home for me because life as a full-time real estate investor isn’t always pretty. Things can and will go wrong. Houses will go vacant during the winter and take a long time to find a good replacement tenant. Copper sometimes gets stolen. Flips go over budget and sometimes even get unexpected water intrusion. Deals fall through at the last minute. Houses sell for less than you thought and sometimes money gets tight.

And through all that, this story helps me see that one of my jobs as a dad and husband is to make sure my wife and children don’t have to feel the weight of that stress. When I show back up at home, I need to show up and be present as a loving husband and father — which means I need to leave my real estate investor cap hanging outside along with the trials that go with it.

 

Well, I say that. I try my best not to invite the stress in. But I do bring the issues up and speak of what we have going on with my kids. I chose to do this because I feel like if I hide the everyday struggles from them, they won’t know how to handle things like that in the future and that would be a disservice to their development.

 

Instead, Ashley and I talk to them about when things go wrong. And what’s cool is they don’t get stressed out. (I assume that is because I try not to bring negative energy inside when we talk about it.) Instead, they’re curious about the problems and want to know how to fix them. Then, they even bring the issues up during prayer time and ask Yahweh for guidance about it. And that to me is the best part.

 

Lately we have had a number of ordeals happening including work stress and the revolving door of family illnesses. And while trials are going on like that I often ask, “What am I supposed to learn from this and how can I get better?” Last week I got an unexpected answer.

 

We have had a dear friend who has been shadowing us for a while. Because of that, they’ve been spending quite a bit of time at our house. And the other night, the friend teared up on me and Ashley and told us “Thank You.” When we asked what for, they told us that by being around us, they got to see what a real loving family looks like for the first time in their life.

Ya’ll, I marveled at that. I thought that because of the cons

tant barrage of sickness and work troubles we’ve been having, that I hadn’t been showing up at home at my best. And here was this person telling us how grateful they were to see how we were handling ourselves. All I can do is say, “Praise Yahweh!”

The lesson here is that you never know who is watching. And even though we tend to think struggles are there to make us stronger, I wonder if sometimes our struggles are not about us. Instead, they are meant to be an example and the inspiration someone needs to want to do better. And I was very humbled by this realization.

 

So, make yourself a trouble tree, but allow your family to be part of the struggles. Because sometimes your struggles aren’t about just you. They have the power to make those around you better too.

 

Joe and Ashley English buy houses and mobile homes in Northwest Georgia. For more information or to ask a question, go to www.cashflowwithjoe.com or call Joe at 678-986-6813.